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For shame.

admin / December 13, 2010 / Money, Opinion, Parenting, Rant / Permalink

You know how there are those professions which discerning, self-respecting people would never go near? You know the ones, traffic wardens, ambulance chasers, defence lawyers who work for paedophiles, Conservative politicians…well I’d like to take this opportunity to formally add one to the list. Todays entry is Marketing Executive, specifically those who work for toy companies.

As I’ve mentioned before, we let Sausage watch telly, and as much as Husband and I favour CBeebies for its no-advert, generally educational programming, Sausage’s favourite shows are mostly on Nickelodeon, which means that she’s subjected to a barrage of targeted, and sometimes not so targeted advertising. When we first had Sausage, I always vowed to never let her watch the channels with ads after my sister-in-law recounted a story to me, which at the time, I found horrifying. She was in the kitchen one day, doing some cleaning and her son, who must’ve been about three at the time, walked in and said “Mummy, why don’t you use Cillit Bang? I gets rid of the grease every time”.

It astounds me that companies who make cleaning products advertise on kids’ TV, but it goes to show that it still pays off for them, when even kids end up touting their wares! But it’s the toy adverts that bug me. Fortunately, Sausage is still largely unaffected by them, she hasn’t quite hit the “I Want” stage yet, but Husband and I still try to stay abreast with whats out there for kids, so if we see something which we think Sausage will like, we’ll inevitably look it up and see how much it costs. It was on one of these “Ooh, she’d love that” occasions that I found out about those toys on the market which are so cleverly advertised, but prohibitively expensive.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce the Puppy Lane range. This range of toys is extensive and includes a cottage and dog, sofa, garden, kitchen, postal set, car, which combined will set you back around £250. Then when you factor in the Strawberry Stables add-ons, you can almost double your money. Now, just for the added effect, in the advert, these things are all pictured together, which means when your kids see it, they want the whole kit and caboodle, which is only natural. It’s just such terrible blood-sucking behaviour from the toy companies and it’s the parents who pay for it, with both money and guilt. Shame on all you Don Drapers out there.

Husband and I have always gone out of our way to make sure that Sausage has everything she needs, without turning her into a spoilt brat. Our families are also hugely generous as she’s an only grandchild on my side, and one of three on Husband side. The girl has MOUNDS of stuff. But on principle, we’ve steered away from the Puppy Lane gear. If she were to say that she desperately wanted it, I’m sure her Daddy and I would crumble, but ’til then, Worlds Apart wont see penny one from us.

It’s the families who have more that one child that I feel sorry for, the ones who have to please more than one set of big, pleading eyes. It must be tough, and I know you could argue that they chose to have that many kids, but by the same token, the toy companies chose to price a lot of us out of the game.

So, you, Marketing Executives will be added to my list and forever more be added to the Douchebag Hall of Shitty Professions. I hope you can live with that.

(Just for the record, these shit-heads earn a ridiculous amount of money, and so probably never worry about the price of things, and sleep soundly in their big houses, whilst the rest of us rant about Strawberry bloody Stables. Knobs.)

Update

Husband has just reminded me of a quote from a man who could, quite frankly, say everything better, more concisely, if a little swearier than me. Looks like I’m not the only one:

By the way, if anyone here is in marketing or advertising…kill yourself. Thank you. Just planting seeds, planting seeds is all I’m doing. No joke here, really. Seriously, kill yourself, you have no rationalisation for what you do, you are Satan’s little helpers. Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself now. Now, back to the show. Seriously, I know the marketing people: ‘There’s gonna be a joke comin’ up.’ There’s no fuckin’ joke. Suck a tail pipe, hang yourself…borrow a pistol from an NRA buddy, do something…rid the world of your evil fuckin’ presence.

The late, great Bill Hicks.

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The true cost of parenting.

admin / November 10, 2010 / Money, Parenting / Permalink

Some friends of mine and Husband’s are expecting their first child at the beginning of next year, and they had us over for dinner at the weekend. We were going through the usual baby-related chit-chat (and I swear, I have tried to lay off of baby-talk as I know it’s maddening for a Mum-to-be to have the same conversation with every single person she speaks to) and we got to the subject of shopping. Or more accurately what they were planning to buy, to prepare for their new arrival.

The whole thing really got me thinking, and brought back so many memories which were buried, or overshadowed by the birth of Sausage. During the early part of my pregnancy, Husband and I felt a lot like we were holding our breath, right up until the twelve week scan, the first time you see your baby and they tell you that everything looks normal. Once you get the nod that everything is okay, then the thoughts of cots and pushchairs and high chairs and all of the other miscellaneous objects kick in and we start BUYING.

We were quite lucky in the sense that we had a lot of people around us who wanted to help out. Our families were hugely generous, which meant that the travel system, nursery furniture, Tummy Tub, a huge, no ridiculously huge pile of clothes, bibs, muslins, scratch mits, nappies, Sudocrem, baby wipes, cotton wool etc, were taken care of. Not to mention the bags and bags of barely ever used clothes given to us by family members and friends. We had more stuff than we could contain and it was a lovely time, preparing for our little girl. But, did we need all of it?

So much emphasis is put on what we need to buy to accommodate a newborn, and babies are a hugely lucrative business. A recent article estimated that parents will spend over £5000 from conception until their child’s first birthday, £1500 before the baby is even born! But I can’t help but wonder if this money is spent because it’s necessary or if it’s just the powers-that-be in the newborn consumer market capitalising on our neuroses and telling us that we can’t survive without these items.

I know for a fact that if we were to have a second child, I would take a very different approach to buying things. For a start, I now know that when people say “You can never have enough bibs/babygrows/scratch mits” it’s absolute bullshit, because twenty babygrows means twice the amount of washing that you’ll need to do. I also know that buying nappies in bulk means that your child will inevitably grow out of the size you bought before you’ve used them up.

Husband and I spent months, I mean literally months agonising over which travel system we should buy. We pored over catalogues, websites and internet review sites, ruling out hundreds of models, before we settled on the one that we eventually bought. We chose a Recaro system, mainly because we liked the idea of buying it from a company with such a stellar record of making safety seats for rally cars. And I do think we chose well, it’s a heavy beast but I can load Sausage onto it and get three bags of shopping underneath without worrying that it’ll collapse. We had a brief foray into the ‘lightweight’ pushchair market, but discovered (halfway round Colchester Zoo) that lightweight usually means ‘flimsy and doesn’t corner well’.

I think a large part of the issue is that, as parents, we want what’s best for our children, and that means we’re easily duped. We’re conned into thinking that the more money we spend, the easier our lives will be, and our kids will have a better start in life. But, with a couple of years of hindsight and parenting experience in my back pocket, I can safely say that it isn’t true. I’m fairly sure that I won’t change any expectant parents’ minds, I don’t think that decades of being drilled by marketing specialists will eradicate that burgeoning sense of parental guilt.

The main thing is, there are certain areas, like car seats, cribs and other safety items, where cutting corners isn’t an option. We want to keep our children safe, at any cost. But if I can just save a few people a modicum of anxiety over whether they should buy Pampers or supermarket own-brand nappies, then I’ve done those people a favour.

It isn’t about how much we spend, which brands we buy, how much stuff your child has. It’s about how much love you give, the skills and wisdom you impart to your little one and most importantly, the quality time you spend with them. So I implore anyone reading, don’t worry about whether you’re spending enough money, just concern yourself with investing your time and love. Because that’s what will make your child into the great human being that you know they can be.