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Parental Choices: Consider Me Shocked.

Last night, I went to the chip shop to fetch some tea after a busy day for all of us and after I ordered I stood outside because it was frightfully warm with all of the fryers going. Our local chippy is along a busy main road which is mostly residential but has shops at various points along it, a busy dual carriageway at one end and a large alley running next to an allotment opposite the chip shop.

The reason I bring all of this up is this:

I want you to focus on the lighter silver coloured Ford car in the picture. Can you see, the rear passenger window almost all the way open? Can you see how far away it is from where I’m standing? It’d take at least 4 seconds for me to get to that car from inside the shop and that’s if the traffic is clear, which having lived along this road I can tell you it rarely ever is.

Now, consider this: there’s a kid in the back of that car.

I watched the Mum get out, lock the doors and tell her little boy who was probably a little younger than Sausage, so around three maybe three and a half, “I’ll be back in a minute”. I then watched the mother disappear inside the newsagents next to the chippy, which has completely papered over windows so no view out once you’re inside. I stood there for over 4 minutes watching that car with the little boy inside. I stood there thinking how easy it would have been, even with locked car doors, to drag that little boy through the open window, get in my car and drive off.

I realise I’m in danger of gaining a reputation of being judgemental, but I’m begging you, tell me, it’s not just me who thinks this is mental, right? Even if the kid was slightly older, the windows were shut, the car was closer, I’d still think this was a stupidly risky thing for that mother to do. Does she not read the papers?  Do the names Madeline McCann, James Bulger, Danielle Jones mean nothing to her?

I’m genuinely sitting here unable to get this event out of my head. Something that the other mother probably hasn’t thought twice about, a non-event in her day to day comings and goings. All I can say is, I pray and hope my anxieties are never realised for this woman, no matter how careless she may seem to me.

Is this something you’d do? Am I a mental, over-protective mother? Does it make you sad that we are forced to think this way because of crime? Let me know.

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Parenting FAIL – Naming and Shaming Myself

Today, we got to nursery and Sausage’s keyworker asked me “Does she have any sunscreen on?” – Er, no, I had to answer.

“Okay, no problem, does she have any in her bag?” – Errr, no…

*feels (correctly) judgemental glare of keyworker*

Despite everything that has happened to our family in the past three years, despite Sausage being fair of skin and red of hair, despite having a ‘dodgy’ mole removed myself last year, despite me tweeting and Facebooking to remind everyone else, I am still  and absolute failure, a fucking JOKE of a person when it comes to remembering sunscreen.

I am utterly ashamed of myself, which is why I’m writing this, to shame myself even further and make sure I never again forget sunscreen.

Oh. And when I picked her up, she was wearing a ‘nursery hat’. Looks like I failed on that front too.

Off to the shops I go.

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My Kid is Awesome.

I read a post last week on the lovely Kate’s blog, The Five F’s, and it immediately struck a chord with me. The point of this post was to illustrate the fact that we’re many of us guilty of hiding our children’s light under a bushel and that we should all be able to talk a little more freely about how brilliant our kids are.

I don’t know if it’s because of her rocky start to life, the fact that I had problems conceiving or anything else, but Husband and I have never taken Sausage for granted. We talk almost every day about how lucky we are. Not just lucky to have her, but lucky that our Daughter is so incredible. She really is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever had the pleasure to be around.

You know how some parents dread taking their kids to the supermarket or other places for fear of bad behaviour? I love doing stuff like that because being with Sausage makes it so much better! The child really is fantastic company. It probably helps that I’m quite happy to go everywhere skipping, singing, playing I Spy and talking about pussycats, but Sausage is delightful to be around.

That doesn’t even begin to skim the good things about her, I could probably go on all day to be honest, but the other thing you need to know about Sausage is that she’s one of the kindest, most caring human beings ever. She seems to be thinking all the time about what she can do to help people, how to make them feel better and how she can care for everyone around her. It’s very touching and makes me incredibly proud.

In the past, when talking to other people who’ve been moaning about their kids behaviour, I’ve chimed in with things like “Oh, yeah, Sausage is just the same…” or words to those effect. But after a while I stopped myself. Sausage isn’t the same, she’s really well-behaved and selling her out to other parents to make them feel better is doing her a massive disservice.

“Your kid is naughty, you say? Too bad, mine’s an angel” is what I should be saying…and from now on, I think I will.

Love you, Sausage. Infinity.

The Five Fs

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Welcome, Barbara Millicent Roberts.

We’ve bought Sausage a Barbie.

If any of you remember this post, that may come as something of a shock.

was going to call this post “We Caved”, but actually we didn’t. Caving in would mean we put no thought into the matter and just blindly allowed our daughter to manipulate us with her childish covetousness. But this isn’t how it went down.

Sausage had been talking about Barbie for a while, she’s seen her friends with them and she’s quite a girly girl, so it was only natural that she wanted one. Husband and I had told her that Barbie was rubbish, in the hope that this would quell her desire for one. It was only after we saw her light up when a Barbie advert came on, then turn to us trying to hide her glee and say “Barbie is rubbish, isn’t it?” that we realised how selfish we were being.

A few months ago, around Christmas I think, a Barbie film came on the telly and I let Sausage watch it. It was actually quite immersive and I was just as gripped as she was. I didn’t tell Husband at the time, partly as I thought he’d be annoyed and partly because I was annoyed with myself. Then, during the February half term, I got a phone call at work from a very guilty sounding Husband who said “I just had to tell you…I’m letting Sausage watch Barbie”. I heard the film playing in the background and said “Yes, Barbie Charm School, the one where they get locked in the vault…”. DOH! Talk about dropping myself in it, but I should never have kept it from him in the first place. Turns out, we were basically on the same page on the matter anyway.

As I said, we’ve ummed and ahhed and reasoned with ourselves over whether to let her have a Barbie and we came to the conclusion that, yes, she can have a Barbie.

It makes her happy. All of the ‘unhealthy body image’ ‘Barbie is a bimbo’ ‘it’s too overtly feminine’ is stuff that we’re throwing into the game. We decided to just let it be what it is; a little girl wanting to play with a dolly. And I’m standing by that.

It also helps that, further to my previous post about Barbie aiming a bit higher, it’s now possible to buy the ‘Barbie…I Can Be’ range which includes a vet, an architect, a teacher, paleantologist, nurse, doctor, computer engineer and racing driver alongside ballerina, lifeguard, bride and movie star. Now that’s what I call progress!

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Making Family Chores Fun

may have mentioned once or twice (ahem…) that I’m pretty rubbish at housework. In fact, I’ve found no less than four posts on this very blog, with confessions of slovenliness (hereherehere…and here, just in case you’re interested!). However, since I went back to work, I’ve really stepped up on the housework front. I may still have dusty skirting boards and my mother-in-law may have done my washing up for me about half a dozen times in the last few months, but I have been keeping up with the rest of it!

However, the problem with working and maintaining a decent home is that I still have to find time in the middle of all of that to spend time with Sausage. Fortunately, she’s at that age where she loves to help so I’ve started drafting her in to help with simple tasks, which means that we get to spend time together whilst being productive as well as making the whole thing a lot more pleasant for me.

Here are a few examples of how Sausage has been getting involved:

Sausage loves to help me hang the washing on the line. We make up simple games like getting her to shout out who each item belongs to as I hang it, which is simple but it gets her to use her brain while doing a mundane task.

She’ll often help by passing me the pegs or the wet clothes, or sometimes just keeps me smiling by wrapping herself in the sheets and shouting “COME AND FIND MEEEE!”.

 

Making the beds is a really simple task that Sausage can more or less do by herself, but we have fun doing it together. We flap the duvet around and generally clown about. I’ve come to the conclusion that chores needn’t be done promptly if you’re having fun. The beds will look better in the end and you’ll have enjoyed yourself in the process. Look at Sausage admiring her work in the last picture, pure pride!

 

As I mentioned before, now I’m back at work I have to be more efficient and Husband helped by devising a system to help us get the laundry away. Before, I’d do the washing, it’d get brought in and dumped in a corner where it would stay until each item got reworn. Now, we have three baskets in different

colours, one for each of us, and the washing gets sorted into the baskets. This makes it a lot easier to put away in the respective wardrobe and this sorting has more or less been taken over by Sausage who loves working out whose item is whose and which basket it needs to go into.

 

I HATE WASHING UP. Seriously hate it. So does Husband, which is why between us we end up with a backlog of dishes that need doing and a total of ZERO enthusiasm for doing it. That was, until my little helper got involved! Now, I wash, Sausage stands on her chair and put the clean dishes on the draining board. A minor thing, but it gives us a chance to have a chat, sing, listen to music and spend what has turned out to be some really nice time together.

So, that’s how the Mum’s the Word family make their chores a bit more fun! This post is part of the Morphy Richards Innovator linky over on Tots 100.

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When Did Your Kids Become Aware of Death?

I’ve had this post in my head for a while but have been finding it hard to find the right words. Sausage, just recently, has been talking about dying. During her games with her dollies, she’ll talk about them dying from one illness or another (mostly due to starvation, if I remember rightly…) and she starts random conversations about people passing away.

When my step mum died last year, I thought I did a really good job of hiding my grief, but looking back I know I failed. She saw me crying, utterly bereft, in denial, angry – the full set of emotions that goes with losing a loved one. Maybe this has contributed to her sudden awareness of mortality.

Then there’s Disney.

I wrote this post not long after I started my blog, but due to that wonderful parental pressure that kids know how to exert, Sausage now watches a small selection of Disney films, with Lilo and Stitch being her absolute fave. In fact, there are FOUR Lilo and Stitch films and a TV series, all of which she now has. In Lilo and Stitch 2 (for those of you who haven’t seen it…) Stitch’s batteries run out at the end and everyone thinks he’s dead. Sausage fixates on this part of the film and even though he comes back to life, often says repeatedly “Stitch is dead, isn’t he Mummy?”.

I always said that I wanted to protect Sausage’s innocence as much as I possibly could, but there comes a time in a child’s life when they start to ask questions.

“Daddy, why don’t you have your cat Mitzy anymore?”

“Mummy, why don’t we see Lorraine anymore?”

She also became aware of the concept after seeing charity adverts on television. She asked her Daddy why the little girl in the Water Aid advert looked so sad and Husband explained that she and lots of other kids didn’t have any clean water to drink, to which Sausage responded that she wanted to give her Christmas money to the little girl to help her. Husband made a donation on Sausage’s behalf (though not out of her Christmas money) and he and I were bursting with pride at our child’s kindness.

And how do we answer those questions without touching on the subject of death? To an extent I feel like I’ve failed her, should have given her a more imaginative answer and skirted around the issue, but at the same time, I don’t condone lying to kids when the truth will do. I think I just have to come to terms with the fact that she’s a bright kid and it was time for her to learn certain facts of life. She’s only three and a half, though. Seems horribly young.

Do you know when your kids became aware of death and dying? Did they hear about it from you and how did you handle the subject?

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A Sausage-ism for Mother’s Day

Sausage and I were sharing a joke and laughing together (about bogies, just in case you’re wondering. I never said it was high-brow) and I said to her “Oh, I’m so lucky to have you”, to which she replied:

“And I’m so lucky to have a doggy”.

Oh. Right.

Happy Mother’s Day, one and all! 

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Silent Sunday

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World Book Day, the ‘Mum’s the Word’ Way.

Today is World Book Day. If you have children of primary school age, you probably already know this as you’ll either have needle-pricked fingers from frantically sewing a costume, or a dented Visa from giving in and buying a damned costume!

Here in the Mum’s the Word house, we’re a true family of readers, Sausage has been read to since she was in the womb and Husband and I are never far from our Kindles so we thought we’d put together our list of reading recommendations, in honour of World Book Day.

1. Sausage’s Reads

I asked Sausage what her favourite book in the whole world was and it’s varied between Meg and Mog, Room on the Broom, The Snail and the Whale and her beloved Ponyo and Totoro books. My favourite book to read to her is probably The Snail and the Whale or Room on the Broom as I love Julia Donaldson’s effortlessly beautiful prose, which just trips off of the tongue.

2. Husband’s Reads

The first book that Husband recommends is Life of Pi by Yann Martel. When I asked him why, he said that he found the book “absolutely enthralling” and that it spoke to him on many levels. He also said is was hugely refreshing to find a book that’s both funny and entertaining, whilst espousing a message of tolerance and happiness.

Husband is also a bit of a true crime fan and had nothing but good things to say about author and psychological profiler Robert Ressler, particularly his book ‘Whoever Fights Monsters‘, which he said was traumatising and difficult to read, yet fascinating and rewarding at the same time.

An honourable mention also goes to Paul Ekman’s ‘Telling Lies: Clues to Deceit in the Marketplace, Politics, and Marriage‘, a truly enlightening look at microexpressions, it’s written by the man who inspired the brilliant TV series ‘Lie to Me’.

3. My Reads

I’m currently smack bang in the middle of ‘The Girl Who Played With Fire‘, the second book in the Millenium Trilogy by Stieg Larsson and I can’t recommend it highly enough. I’ve been wanting to read these books for ages and have finally got around to it and I can’t hardly put my Kindle down.

Another author of whom I am particularly enamored is the amazing Mr. Stephen Fry. I’ve read just about everything he has written, both fiction and non and I would recommend it all. There’s something in his books for everyone, fantasy, history, romance, intrigue, politics…I think they should be part of the National Curriculum,  kids would get SO much more from his books than some of the stuffy old texts that are still prescribed and I guarantee a lot more teenagers would be interested in English if these were in there!

At the risk of overdoing it, I’d also like you ALL to go out and read at least one book by the following authors:

1. Bill Bryson

2. Douglas Adams

3. J.K. Rowling

4. Philip Pullman

Sermon over! (But seriously, do go and read these books, they’re worth it, I promise!)

HAPPY WORLD BOOK DAY!

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Mum Crush

I have a Mum Crush. Not like in a MILF kinda way, in a “I really want to be friends with you” kinda way.

Husband and I have a few friends between us who have kids but they’re either much younger than Sausage or we don’t see them all that often due to distance. However, since Sausage has started nursery she’s made a few friends, been to a few parties, she’s doing her own networking and I’ve met a few of the Mums who I now have a chat with and say hello to each morning.

There’s one mum in particular though, who I have a total Mum Crush on. She seems to have similar interests to me (I saw that she has the same sewing book that I have on her bookshelf…that counts, right?) and we both have Cath Kidston handbags. Okay, I know, a handbag does not a friendship maketh.

She’s perfectly polite to me each day but we mainly just exchange pleasantries and talk about our girls. Every time, there’s a “fancy a playdate?” on the tip of my tongue that I don’t seem to be able to get out. I think realistically she’s not all that interested in being friends, she has a sister with kids of a similar age to ours and probably tonnes of other sewing, Cath Kidston handbag toting mothers in her friendship circle.

The trouble is, this “playing hard to get” is just making me want to be her friend even more. I will confess to having Facebook stalked her once or twice, my finger hovering the mouse over the ‘add friend’ button but never quite having the courage. I guess I probably can’t ever add her now, just in case she ever discovers my blog and reads this.

What would you do? Am I being a massively socially inept weirdo? Give it to me straight, readers!

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