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Parenthood Is…

By Mum's the Word on March 13, 2013 in Crowdsourced, Parenting

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about parenthood and how different people feel about it. Some people love a good moan while others wax lyrical about how their lives have changed for the better – one thing’s for certain though, and that’s that parenthood is one topic on which its really easy to engage a lot of people and get them thinking.

I decided to turn to my lovely blogging mates and ask them what “Parenting Is…” to them. Here are their responses:

Kate from Kate Takes 5 said “Parenthood is…99% a pain in the arse and 1% so magical that you forget the other 99%.”

Helen from Actually Mummy said “Parenthood is… like a long hard slog up a mountain. Tough, rocky and it makes your bones ache, but Oh My God the view from the top is incredible!”

Marianne from Mari’s World said “Parenthood is…surviving the unknown!”

Cat from Cat’s Yellow Days said “Parenthood is… realising you’ll never be alone again…not even on the loo. Parenthood is… talking about Sid, Alex and Katie like they are actually your friends. Parenthood is… having stickers on everything you own. Parenthood is… realising the silence isn’t golden, it’s worrying!”

Ruth from DorkyMum said “Parenting…is a walk in the park. Too bad that walk usually takes place at 3am with a crying baby.”

Stacey from Five’s a Fellowship said “Parenthood is…a big slap in the face and a hug for good measure.”

Sandy from Baby Baby said “Parenthood is…hard work, it’s smelly, dirty, unrelenting, tiring and emotional, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

Annie from Mammasaurus said “Parenthood is…a complete breeze *throws bread on the floor for the imaginary disco squirrels*”

Sonia from The Ramblings of a Formerly Rock and Roll Mum said “Parenthood is…over-worked, underpaid and overjoyed! 90% guilt, 10% pleasure? exhausting?”

Carolin from Mummy Alarm said “Parenthood is…smiling about baby sick in your mouth or poo in your bath when pre-baby this would have sent you over the edge”

Kathryn from Crystal Jigsaw said “Parenthood is…raising awareness of your own children’s issues”

Aly from Plus 2 Point 4 said “Parenthood is…lonely when you’re single”

So, from the realistic to the sentimental to the downright potty (I’m looking at you, ‘Saurus…!) we all view parenthood differently. Parenthood and our views on it can unite and divide. If there’s one thing that the past (almost) five years has taught me, it’s that having a sense of humour is absolutely vital when it comes to being a Mum, unless you want to go grey and mad in equal measure in a very short space of time.

If you have any “Parenthood is…” quotes to add, email me at jayne@mumstheword.me with your quote and blog URL , if you have one, and I’ll do a follow up post containing them all.

Comments { 11 }

“Mummy, I don’t like looking in the mirror.”

By Mum's the Word on February 9, 2013 in Humour, Parenting

Husband, Sausage and I popped into town today for a bit of a browse. We were having a mooch round TK Maxx and they’d walked off ahead of me but as I caught up, I saw Sausage do something that I found really disconcerting. As she noticed herself in the mirror, I saw her frown deeply and then turn away with a look of disgust on her face.

I mentioned to Husband what I’d seen and we both proceeded to question her on why she’d frowned like that, however she clammed up and started to get upset. My mind was racing with a combination of scathing indictments of modern society and the pressure placed on girls in terms of appearance, positive affirmations that I could give Sausage which both reassured her but stopped short of piling too much importance on aesthetic and blackout-inducing rage at the thought that someone may be responsible for damaging her confidence.

Husband was still trying to extract an explanation from her when she looked him straight in the eye and said:

“I don’t like my reflection Daddy, because it always copies me”.

Comments { 5 }

The Same As Everyone Else

By Mum's the Word on January 29, 2013 in Family, Parenting

I got a bit of a bollocking last night. I got home from work and a rather grumpy-faced Sausage said “Mummy, I still have a white t-shirt in my P.E. kit”. Her kit got sent home for the Christmas hols and I dutifully washed it, ready to go back. Only, on the Tuesday of her first week back, P.E. day, I realised that I’d not gathered all of the items up and put them in her bag and said-items were now spread far and wide throughout my chaotic house. I managed to locate her shorts, drummed up a pair of white socks and dug her plimsols out from under a pile of new toys, but the yellow, logo-embroidered t-shirt was nowhere to be found. In desperation I shoved a plain white v-neck into the bag, knowing that this was just as acceptable under the school’s uniform code, with promises to Sausage to replace it with the yellow one later that week.

Obviously, I forgot. Skip forward to today and Sausage has had to endure four whole sessions of Physical Education in a white t-shirt and, apparently, this just isn’t good enough.

Having been previously oblivious to the importance of the yellow t-shirt, I enquired as to whether she’d been told off for wearing a white t-shirt instead.

“No” was her reply.

Hmm. So, I asked, does anyone else wear a white top?

“Yes, the twins do”

Right, so if you’re the same as the twins, what’s the problem?

“Because everyone else wears yellow and I want to be the same as everyone else” she said.

And suddenly, it all became clear and my childhood came flooding back to me. I think, as an adult, we get so caught up in defining ourselves as one thing or another that we forget that, for the kids, it’s mostly about fitting in. Conformity is key and anything different will have you singled out. It’s like an innate survival instinct.

As an adult, and even as a teen to an extent, being ‘a bit different’ can be a great thing. But to a child, it’s the worst thing in the world and it’s suddenly become clear that it’s our jobs, as parents, to do what we can to facilitate that conformity.

When I was a youth (around 11 or 12), the Adidas track suit was king and if your trainers weren’t Reebok or Nike, you were a total loser. I got bought a black Adidas track suit with white stripes and I lived in that bloody thing until it was swinging around my ankles. But, it was a uniform and it fitted in with what everyone else was doing. That track suit got me through some tough times.

So, tonight after work, I’ll be going home, searching through the ironing pile and getting the yellow t-shirt ready for tomorrow, when I’ll extract the offending white garment from Sausage’s satchel and make the world, her world, right again. Because, while conformity might not be my cup of tea, for the moment it’s everything to Sausage and that’s just fine.

Comments { 8 }

Guest Post: I’m a parenting expert…

By Mum's the Word on November 21, 2012 in Guest Blogger

Yesterday, I put out a call for help. My blogging mojo is having a week off and I asked my blogging chums if they’d like to step in and write some posts for me and gawd bless ‘em, I had lots of offers, which made me love our little community even more. Today, I’ve got a post from the lovely Fi who blogs at Childcare is Fun, who I must confess is one of my secret blogging crushes, I totally want to be her and have her hair and have her be my best friend, all at the same time So, here it is:

Parenting. The minefield of mothers and fathers doing their best in a conflicting world of advice. Hands on parenting, comfort parenting, practical parenting, attachment parenting, oh the hokeycokey parenting. It’s a headache before you’ve even popped out your first baby isn’t it?

Having the opportunity to guest write here on the lovely Jayne’s blog, I decided to open up, take off my professional cap, and talk frankly.

“You must have it so easy” someone once said to me, “you know everything and anything parenting, it must be a breeze!”

No. It’s really not…

I’ve 21 years experience working in childcare, I have a degree in Childhood and Youth studies, a diploma in Childhood studies, I’m a qualified Nursery nurse, I’ve a gazzillion training certificates from baby signing to special needs practicals, and I’ve a few awards for my work with children, but I’m also just a mum.

I wake up tired. I go to bed tired. I often feel like hiding under the duvet when my two under 3 are wrestling on the bedroom floor over a postman pat van. I cry when things seem too much, I hurt when they tell me I’m ‘horrid for turning off Cbeebies so we can go do something creative’ and I sigh when I have to do mundane household chores daily.

I eat too much cake, drink wine, gossip, moan, sometimes lose my patience and wear baggies and no make-up on days when nobody is coming over and we are having a home day.

Daily I advise parents who ask for my advice through the FREE email service via my website (www.childcareisfun.co.uk) based on all those years of experience, and qualifications, and I love putting my professional head on to help them. I love writing my ‘Top Tips’ and guest appearing as a ’parenting expert’ on BBC radio and local stations, I’ve even done the odd TV appearance which is so exciting and something I’d like to pursue one day, but above everything, I’m a stay-at-homemum. A mum to a 2 and 3 years old born 364 days apart who rock my world and wipe bogies on my jeans.

I clean up sick, wipes snotty noses, scrub spaghetti sauce off the walls, do the washing, shopping and cleaning. So when you hear the word ‘parenting expert’ and you roll your eyes and think “Oh, another know-it-all” remember I’m actually just a parent like you. I’m still learning all these years later.

I’m a parenting expert. I’m a housewife. I’m a domestic engineer. I’m a mother. I’m me.

Thank you so much to Fi, I love Childcare is Fun and think you should all go and subscribe to her email service immediately! Oh and show some comment love, yeah?!

Comments { 3 }

My Kid is Awesome.

By Mum's the Word on April 5, 2012 in Parenting, Personal, Relationships

I read a post last week on the lovely Kate’s blog, The Five F’s, and it immediately struck a chord with me. The point of this post was to illustrate the fact that we’re many of us guilty of hiding our children’s light under a bushel and that we should all be able to talk a little more freely about how brilliant our kids are.

I don’t know if it’s because of her rocky start to life, the fact that I had problems conceiving or anything else, but Husband and I have never taken Sausage for granted. We talk almost every day about how lucky we are. Not just lucky to have her, but lucky that our Daughter is so incredible. She really is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever had the pleasure to be around.

You know how some parents dread taking their kids to the supermarket or other places for fear of bad behaviour? I love doing stuff like that because being with Sausage makes it so much better! The child really is fantastic company. It probably helps that I’m quite happy to go everywhere skipping, singing, playing I Spy and talking about pussycats, but Sausage is delightful to be around.

That doesn’t even begin to skim the good things about her, I could probably go on all day to be honest, but the other thing you need to know about Sausage is that she’s one of the kindest, most caring human beings ever. She seems to be thinking all the time about what she can do to help people, how to make them feel better and how she can care for everyone around her. It’s very touching and makes me incredibly proud.

In the past, when talking to other people who’ve been moaning about their kids behaviour, I’ve chimed in with things like “Oh, yeah, Sausage is just the same…” or words to those effect. But after a while I stopped myself. Sausage isn’t the same, she’s really well-behaved and selling her out to other parents to make them feel better is doing her a massive disservice.

“Your kid is naughty, you say? Too bad, mine’s an angel” is what I should be saying…and from now on, I think I will.

Love you, Sausage. Infinity.

Comments { 7 }

“My Name’s Mummy and I’m a Stresshead”

By Mum's the Word on February 20, 2012 in Life, Opinion, Personal

(Bear with me while I get through the necessary pre-amble, there is a cogent point somewhere at the bottom of this post!)

Last September, we made the decision to send Sausage to Nursery three mornings a week and I couldn’t, in good conscience, sit at home scratching my arse while she was out, when I could get a job and contribute to the family coffers. Husband had been amazing about me staying at home instead of going back to work after my maternity leave ended and I thought I’d take some of the pressure off of him for a change.

I’d been lucky in that I fell into working from home, managing social media for a few brands as well as a bit of writing and other bits. I brought in a small wage and still continue to do most of it, alongside my ‘real’ job which is in an Accountants office. Bit of a Jack of All Trades, you could say.

But, I digress. The problem I seem to have is that I find it hard to switch off.

Take today (and I wish someone would…); I had a manic day in the office, I’ve just increased my days to four a week and it was payroll day, so I processed around 30 payrolls in about 4 hours. It’s usually fairly straightforward and most clients only have one or two people on their payroll, but today was just problem after problem. One client wanted his P45 issued..oh, did I mention, he’s moving to Australia TOMORROW so it all had to be processed, scanned, emailed to him, submitted to HMRC etc, and I was informed of this about half an hour before I was due to come home.

The actual work isn’t an issue, I can do it with my eyes shut, it’s the fact that I go into hyper-work-mode to get everything done on time and then after I leave, I can’t seem to manage to shake hyper-work-mode off and get into home-mode. Even when I go home, get out of my work clothes and sit down with Sausage, I’m still thinking about tax returns, payroll and my current side-project of getting a website up and running for my boss.

I’ve not spoken much about it, but I suffer on and off with anxiety. It’s not been getting the better of me as much lately, but it started when I was eleven, carried on through my teens and early twenties and was compounded by Post Natal PTSD after I gave birth. The crux of all of this rambling is that my unspent work-mode energy seems to be manifesting itself as anxiety. I get all hyper at work, come home, feel unable to unwind and by dinner time, I’m having a full-blown panic attack.

So, what do I do, people? Does anyone else get anything even remotely like this, or am I just a big weirdo? What can I do to stop it, if anything? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Comments { 5 }

A Step Towards ‘The System’ – An Update

By Mum's the Word on November 19, 2011 in iVillage Posts, Parenting, Personal

Anyone who read this post that I wrote for iVillage will know that I had more than a few reservations about sending Sausage to nursery. She turned three back in August and Husband and I (but mostly I, to be fair) made the decision to send Sausage to our local children’s centre, three mornings a week. She’s only there for nine hours a week and I work fifteen hours which fit around her sessions.

We’d been very lucky up until that point, Husband making enough money and me chipping in with the odd bit of freelance work for me to stay at home with Sausage, but once she started going to nursery it seemed pointless for me to sit at home twiddling my thumbs while she was out of the house. Fortunately for me, my old boss was looking to take someone on to do the job that I had done before I’d had Sausage. Kismet, some might say?

Anyway, the point is, Sausage has been going to nursery for nine weeks now and just last night, Husband and I were having a conversation about how much she’s changed in those nine weeks. She’s still the Sausage we know and love, but just somehow bigger in every way! She’s even more talkative (if that’s humanly possible…), more outgoing, more confident on her feet, she’s just generally even more full of life than before. It’s so heartwarming to see, I love nothing more than getting home from work and hearing her telling me about her day.

We’ve had some upsets, like in the first fortnight when Husband went to pick her up and she burst into tears upon seeing him, apparently so relieved to know that we hadn’t abandoned her! Just this week, Husband had to sign the accident book after Sausage fell off of a Space Hopper and grazed her head, and while I could be indignant and say that she’s never had a grazed head under our care, part of me is pleased that she’s getting involved in activities where she can graze her head. Husband and I (again, probably more I) can be a little guilty of wrapping her in the proverbial cotton wool and always being there to catch them actually isn’t necessarily always a good thing. Sometimes they need to learn what it feels like to fall.

I can’t deny that I ask her every day if she wants to go to nursery, some half a percent of me hoping that one day she’ll say “No, Mummy, actually I don’t” and then I can pull her out, give up work and go back to the cosy and sometimes insular life that we had before but the rest of me, the majority of me, is thrilled that we were able to make such a huge lifestyle change all at once and have it go so well. Just goes to show, as well as the already endless list of amazing qualities that I can attribute to my daughter, resilience and adaptability are two more things she has under her belt.*

(*more so than her Mummy. I walk to the bus stop feeling like I’m going to cry after dropping her off each day, but for her sake, I suck it up and act like a grown up. Just about.)

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A Step Towards ‘The System’.

By Mum's the Word on August 18, 2011 in Family, Parenting, Personal

Something terrible and terrifying is happening tomorrow. Something that I’ve spent the last three years trying to forget about. It’s never happened before and I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself.

Yes. We’re taking Sausage to nursery.

We’ve ummed and ahhed for the last couple of years about whether we were going to send her to nursery, seeing as Husband and I both work from home and we came to the conclusion that no-one could look after Sausage as well as we can, so we’d keep her at home. And then the doubts set in. Are we holding her back? Depriving her of a chance to make friends and have fun?

Comments { 0 }

Calling All Cowards – My iVillage Post

By Mum's the Word on August 8, 2011 in Parenting, Rant

My first post for iVillage also went live today, so if you think you’d like to read a post that begins with the line ‘Daddy, what’s gay?’, you should head over there now!

Comments { 1 }

We’re Fine.

By Mum's the Word on July 18, 2011 in Maternity Matters, Parenting, Personal

Through my work with Maternity Matters and involvement with the Birth Trauma Association, I read a lot of stuff by women who’ve suffered similar trauma and disappointment to what my family went through when Sausage was born. I read about people who are let down by a lack of care, poor facilities and a health service which treats them like a number. I talk to people who feel alone, like no-one understands their feelings and thoughts and I do my best to let them know that I know exactly how they feel. I know Susanne won’t mind me saying that she does the same and I’ve seen her counselling others through their heartache on many an occassion.

It’s Sausage’s 3rd birthday in just under three weeks and I have something that I wanted to share with anyone who may read this. It’s really important that I get this out there and I genuinely hope that people read this and are comforted by my words.The thing I need to say is this:

We’re okay.

Three years ago, I thought my heart would never stop hurting. I thought I’d be consumed by my rage, feeling at times that I fully understood spontaneous combustion, convinced that it happened to people who spent their waking hours burning with white-hot rage. I thought that every time I looked at my daughter I’d see the tubes and wires that covered her the first time I laid eyes on her. I thought I’d never be the same again.

But we’re okay.

Yes, I’m still angry, I still have huge chunks of my memory missing, I probably won’t ever be the same again in many ways. But I don’t want to be. I wouldn’t wipe my memory of all of the bad things that happened because I’d be doing my daughter a huge disservice if I did. I need to remember. But all of that doesn’t detract from the fact that we’re fine. That doesn’t give credence to the insensitive morons who say that we should just be grateful that our children have turned out okay. I just hope I can give some of you some hope, when it feels as though the black cloud will never clear.You need to know that it’s OKAY to feel this way.

One of the things that I was adamant about in my birth plan was that I wanted to have skin-to-skin contact with my daughter when she was born. Because I was unconscious and she was so poorly, this wasn’t even vaguely an option, but what I need you to know is that it hasn’t affected our relationship one iota. We’re as close and two human beings could possibly be, despite the fact that I couldn’t hold her until her 7th day of life, so anyone who worries that a lack of contact early on will have a detrimental effect on your relationship needs to try to remember this.

I’m not trying to preach and I’m certainly not trying to demean or belittle the feeling of anyone who is suffering the effects of a traumatic experience. I’m just hoping that my experience can help others and let you know that you will be okay. It may never go away completely, but it won’t always be as fresh and painful as it is now.

It may be a cliché, but time really is a great healer.