Humour · Life

The Ills

The Ills

Photo by Elena Mozhvilo on Unsplash

We have THE ILLS.

I was going to call this post ‘Sicker than your Average’ until I Googled ‘Slicker than your Average’ and realised that that’s the name of a Craig David album…see, I must be ill if my puns revolve around shitty UK Garage.

But yeah, we’re all ill. Sausage has dealt with it in her usual stoic and utterly admirable fashion, she really does epitomise the English stiff upper lip. I, on the other hand, have been feeling the need to proclaim how shit I feel on an hourly basis. Husband is feeling crap too and is probably a day or two ahead of me in the course of the illness, so everything I’m going through, he’s already dealt with.

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Humour · Parenting

Things You Never Think About…Until You Become a Parent

Things You Never Think About…Until You Become a Parent
  • Note to self; I must remember that Sausage has been eating lumps of red Play Doh, before I change her nappy and panic about all the red bits in her poo.
  • Hmm, I wonder if there’s a more practical way to deal with an attached child than to have them actually sitting on your lap while you pee?
  • Oh, wow, she moved over a bit, that means I now have FOUR WHOLE INCHES of my kingsize bed, all to myself!
  • I wonder if I can cut her hair/fingernails/toenails while she’s asleep, so I can avoid being kicked in the teeth/stabbed?
Continue reading “Things You Never Think About…Until You Become a Parent”
Humour · Parenting

A list of people who I might allow to read my child a bedtime story. Or, an open letter to Shane Ritchie.

Richard Briers

Richard Briers - bedtime story

I’ll admit it, I’m a enormous fan of The Good Life and I often have it on while I fall asleep, so it’s a bit like a bedtime story in itsefl! I also have machinations of one day being just like Tom and Barbara (but it would be an awful lot of effort, doing all that work and maintaining that impish charm and Cheltenham Girls College accent, wouldn’t it?)

Richard Briers is the man who EVERYONE wants as their Grandad, isn’t he? Such a kindly old so-an-so, with a perfect voice for narration, to boot!

Continue reading “A list of people who I might allow to read my child a bedtime story. Or, an open letter to Shane Ritchie.”