Humour · Personal

The Truth About Me

The Truth About Me
  1. I am absolutely shit at housework. No, scratch that, it’s not the housework I’m bad it, any idiot can work a Hoover. It’s the inclination I lack. And the fact that it all needs doing over and over and over again is what gets me. No sooner have I got the house tidy, someone changes their clothes or wants a meal, or some other inconsiderate thing and it all starts again.
  2. I watch way too much telly. I have a core rotation of shows that I watch every week (Misfits, Desperate Housewives, Being Erica, Life Unexpected, Criminal Minds, The Simpsons, Come Dine With Me, Grand Designs to name but a fraction) plus I supplement these with regular viewings of whatever is on the Good Food Channel, and at least an hour of Friends re-runs every day. God, looking at all of that, it actually scares me to think that I watch SO much telly…
  3. I’m self-deprecating to a really annoying degree. Like, I really hardly ever say anything nice about myself, and I take any opportunity to make a mean joke or take the piss out of myself. This is a skill I have honed over 20-odd years, and I am really good at it. I can make a self directed insult out of the most tenuous of prompts. Husband hates it.
  4. Being a wife/mother/daughter/daughter-in-law/friend is the only thing that really means anything to me. You could take all the other shit away and just leave me with the people who I love and I’d still be as happy as a pig in the proverbial. And no, that wasn’t a fat joke. For once.
  5. I’m ridiculously sensitive. Husband says I could start a row in an empty room with no windows or doors. I have this innate flaw which means I alway think that people are getting at me. This is one of the things I really wish I could change about myself, but don’t really know where to start.
  6. Despite my declaration about my loved ones, I’m actually really rubbish at staying in touch with people. I get this thing where I go a bit reclusive for a while and don’t contact anyone, and then when I come out of my cave I feel like I’ve left it too long and people will be mad at me and I don’t want to call people if they’re mad and maybe I should just stick my head in the sand and pretend everything is okay and there aren’t any phone calls I should be making.
  7. Sometimes it’s really hard work being inside my brain. Above, being the perfect example. I’ve always been afflicted with an ‘over thinking’ problem.
  8. I don’t make friends very easily as I wear my heart on my sleeve and tend to take it as a sign that others don’t like me if they aren’t the same way. In real life, this translates to me meeting someone, telling them my life story, then assuming they don’t like me when they don’t reciprocate. See? Hard work.
  9. I love writing a blog but have become a little obsessed with my site stats. In fact, sometimes, if I write a post and don’t get many hits that day, a tiny part of my brain tells me to stop blogging. But I don’t stop and then I have a good day and am glad I didn’t stop.

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